dutch and i went to the zoo sunday! it was a lot of fun, i always love hanging out with him. we found these adorable magnetic plushies of a tarantula and a crocodile and he got them for us. they're so cute and so us :3c he looked so cute looking at all the reptiles with it clipped to his shoulder bag. i love him so so much.

click images to enlarge!

we stuck to one side of the zoo, the bugs and reptiles. we have such a big zoo i love walking it but usually, by noon it's unbearably packed so we dip and go grab some lunch. we went to a local japanese market and i got some of my favorite seared salmon nigiri with gochujang mayo! it's so good i could cry. i got some oi ocha, my fave green tea, and some matcha cookies.

after the market we went to a local book-off, it's a store that buys and sells video games, books, movies, anime merch, etc. their prices can be kinda insane but sometimes we luck out and we find a good deal. we lucked out and found FF7 remaster deluxe edition for a good price, the ff7 advent children movie, re6 deluxe edition guide and a cute tsum tsum costume for leon... :3

here are some close-ups of the artbook and steelbook in the deluxe edition:

after we were done with book off dutch was craving some taiyaki ice cream so we went to a local place. i always get the matcha flavor and whatever it's swirled with that week.

here's some purin stickers outside of the taiyaki place that i loved

it was a very fun day! i'm so lucky to have a wonderful butch like dutch that spoils me like he does!

chickpea had some dental work done last week and during her recovery, I was having a health scare of my own. i was really scared it was my heart or was going to end up being my heart. turns out being a bit of a hypochondriac with a paranoid anxiety disorder is a recipe for disaster lol. i was unsure if i was insured and knew that it would literally be cheaper to... die than it would be to go to the er. i love the usa. my mom and dutch both assured me that if it was my heart that i more than likely would've already succumbed to whatever the hell was going on. i was still scared, sent myself into a panic attack on wednesday and finally decided i should just go to urgent care.

i dug around and found out that i was insured thanks to the ACA(yay), so i looked in my provider network and found an urgent care that accepted my insurance. we went and i explained everything. they didn't seem at all worried about my heart and i told them the pain had started in my sternum and eventually most of it was just focused around the side of my breast and near my armpit. the fact that it was happening on the left side made me scared it was somehow my heart hence... why i was now there because not knowing for sure was driving me crazy. everyone was super nice, i was really thankful. i don't have a good history with doctors and it was refreshing to feel like i was being listened to for once.

the doctor examined my breast and unfortunately found a lump. She said because it was just now causing me issues and because there's no discoloration of my skin/visible lumps in the area its very unlikely its anything scary. she said it's mostly like an issue with a milk gland or some type of benign cyst that has decided to randomly become irritated. She told me either way i need to get an ultrasound done on it to be 100% sure what it is. she wanted to order one for me but it needed to come from my primary care doctor so she told me to call them and have it set up.

i called my PCP the next day and found out that the primary care doctor listed on my card no longer accepts my insurance so i had to call my insurance and get a new PCP. it was so. annoying. LOL but the people on the phone were really nice and helpful and told me they would be happy to change every but i unfortunately have to wait for the change to take affect in april otherwise i may be stuck with any bills, including my urgent care visit, that i had this month. so. i unfortunately won't know more until april.

i'm really relieved it's not my heart, but still worried it's something serious. still, going really helped take a huge weight off my shoulders and for that i am thankful.

i fucking hate leon kennedy fans. yes, i am including myself in this statement. my overemotional investment in this character has caused me more frustration than like. 90% of my hobbies, including learning how to code. something that's actually pretty difficult to learn(for me anyway), but somehow saying "i like leon kennedy" on the internet seems infinitely harder and more frustrating to deal with... it's actually ridiculous. and honestly, really fucking embarrassing, especially at my age! i hate it! like can i please just have like... a normal, passive attachment to anything? can i be chill about anything. i'm too old to be over passionate and over possessive with a fictional character.

but. my god. some of his "fans" are just. so fucking stupid.

i've been working on my leon shrine lately, something i usually kinda like doing. i get to just... drown myself in resident evil(leon) stuff. fill my brain and focus on a topic i really love. i was thinking about adding a gif of one leon's idle animations from re4r, so i stupidly went looking in his tag on tumblr. rookie mistake, looking in a character's tag, i know. but i thought i'd be safe if i searched for something specific like leon kennedy gif. it usually worked when i was looking for specific gifsets of games and stuff. but of course tumblr's search function is effectively useless at this point in time, so i was subjected to about 200 leon kennedy x reader fics, which. is annoying on the best of days, no offense. but like put that shit under a read more, holy fucking shit.

leon's tag is. a special kind of hell though.

look. i get it. fanfics are fantasy, kinks, not subject to criticism(apparently lol, but i disagree!), not that serious, whatever.

but i really fucking have to wonder. do any of these cunts ACTUALLY like leon s. kennedy??????? because WHY the FUCK are almost ALL of these dogshit reader fics shit like "stepbro leon finally gets you all to himself!", "yandere leon s kennedy", "corrupt cop leon kennedy extorts you for sex!", "leon s kennedy is an abusive drunk husband that beats the hell out of you", "leon s kennedy rapes you!"

HELLLLOOOOO??????????????????????????

did we play the same games??? watch the same cutscenes?????? see the same leon s. kennedy??????????????

look, i know i'm getting emotional and letting my own bias about leon's character show here. but i don't think even in "fantasy" leon would be down to roleplay any of the above shit if he were real. fuck even in his own canon, he wouldn't. even in his Worst iterations, leon has never been an abusive drunk, incest-prone, rapist. i know it's fantasy, but how can you get off to something like that when it's literally not even leon s kennedy's character being written or considered in this kink fantasy atp? like i CAN NOT wrap my head around it.

how is it a sexy character x reader fic when it ceases to be the character. like. i'm sorry. Leon's whole thing is basically that he's an incorruptible goodie two shoes cop. please be seriousssssssssss wtf do you mean 'corrupt cop leon' like shutttttttt uppp! tbh i think if his partner asked him to choke them he would hesitate. like. he doesn't strike me as a person who would be into rougher/darker kinks just because he would be hesitant/scared to "hurt" his partner even in a kink scenario that his partner was asking for. he's a very "vanilla missionary with eye contact and kissing" type of guy imo lol, but i know that's my own headcanon and that may seem just as absurd to these people as their x reader fics are to me lol.

idk, i'm not into "darker" fics so maybe i just.. don't get it or whatever but. like. i just cannot get over people stripping leon of any shred of his character to make him their weird incest fantasy daddy dom sex bot LOL.

and i even skimmed one out of a morbid curiosity that bordered on self harm bc i knew it would upset me at best and send me into a full blown panic attack at worst and also because it was just. there. not under a read more. for god and everyone to be forced to witness. and i know i can "keep scrolling" or whatever these profiction dipshits like to tell us supposed quaker pilgrim anti-sex police lol but like... its also your fucking responsibility to make sure this shit is properly tagged omfg. i didn't finish skimming it because it was Fucking Bad but what i did read was just really horrible awful porn dialog and a barely recognizable "leon" fucking some waifish pure milky skinned delicate thin womanchild cottage core lolita manic dream girl. that is my whole other issue with x reader fics that i won't get into. you're saying x "reader" but suddenly my fat ass is slipping into size 4 jeans and a tube top? or assigning this coquettish femininity to the reader. just say "x OC". also explode. and i mean that. anyway. another rant for another day.

like everything i've ever seen of these x reader fics just feels hollow and empty of the erotic thrill they're poorly trying to emulate LOL like it vaguely reminds me of this post that dutch showed me the other day.

"no hint of erotic, just an amalgamation of current internet trends."

they literally hit the nail on the head. LIKE... IT'S SO BAD! just cheap, knock-off "eroticism".

i'm all for writing nsfw of leon. i do it all the time. love it! but jesus christ, can you at least pretend to try to make him closer to his actual personality and character??? i know he's hot but if you write about leon without knowing anything about him other than hes hot, do everyone a favor and throw your fucking computer out the window!

idk. idk. like. i'm stupid for letting this piss me off but am i as stupid as the people posting these dogshit headcanons and x reader fics? i don't think so!

as i said, the 28th was dutch and i's anniversary, our 10 year to be exact! i can't believe it's been 10 years with him.... an amazing honor and privilege. i love him so much and it's been so amazing to be a part of his journey and watch him turn into the butch he was always meant to be... my darling dutchie... i love you so!

we started our anniversary with a favorite spot, the local zoo! i really love our zoo, we have some amazing animals and very large and beautiful aviaries, insect enclosures, and reptile houses. walking around the zoo and holding hands with dutch and pointing at cute little animals and going "that's you!" or "that's us" when we see a pair cuddling will never get old.

we mostly stuck to one side of the zoo as we were on a bit of a time crunch and couldn't stay as long as we would normally like. we went to one of our favorite sections because it has the reptile house, an aviary, and insects all in one convenient little corner so we could both see our favorites.

click images to enlarge!

i had so much fun... i love the zoo!

we left around noon and made our way to the cheesecake factory... can i just say the decor of this place makes no fucking sense. the cheesecake is so good though... we got the salted caramel cheesecake and omfg.... heaven...!!!

after our delicious lunch we made our way to the nearby theater to see... nosferatu! i loved this movie. the other 6 people in the audience were dead silent after, it was so funny. very good and beautiful film and i look forward to watching it again.

we had a wonderful day, i love hanging out with my handsome butch... looking forward to the next 10 years together... and forever after that!

the next day his anniversary present arrived! the beautiful ada 1/6 by master team! she's gorgeous!

my hatred for the soft "seamless" bodies a lot of these companies favor aside, she's gorgeous. for an unlicenced figure i think she's got an incredible likeness to her in-game model and i love her beautiful cheongsam...

she also came with her default re4r outfit and an extra head. dutch's hot toys ada he purchased last year had unfortunately been re-bodied so he purchased her original body on ebay and that left us with an extra that was now coming in handy! I dressed it up and passed her over to dutch. two figures in one was a nice surprise and that meant we both got to enjoy our adaversary ^_^!

sometime between now and march our present toys 1/6 scale wesker's are meant to be shipping out which i hope is true.. i am worried about how i'm going to rearrange my shelves when he gets here tho lol! the master team figures i have ENORMOUS stands and it's actually kinda crazy how much room they take up. but for now... my beautiful butch/femme couple looks great on my shelf and are anxiously awaiting their third wheel <3

goals for my website:

-picture a day diary. need to find a media-heavy free code i can use and tweak lol
-game logs for all games i play this year (except games i replay a lot?)
-archive all 2024 diaries and add them to my website map
-finish leon, ada, and wesker shrines.
-make shrines for carlos, jill, medic, isabelle, pompompurin, quiet, and michael myers.
-LEARN MORE CODING!!!!

goals for myself:

-work out more :/. dutch got a walking pad for xmas so i think i can manage this
-draw a leon a day traditionally. i really miss traditional art so. i wanna get back into it.
-finish all the unplayed games in my libraries BEFORE i buy any new ones!!!
-get back into journaling of some sort, digital or physical...
-read more. been on a huge reading kick and i've loved it. hoping i can keep it up through the year

gonna try to hold myself accountable this year and get shit done... fingers crossed!!!